Struggling to Remember

i am struggling hard to remember that He is good. i am struggling to remember that when all of this is over: the papers and the final exams and the house searching, that He will send the sun to wrap me up and the ocean to wash my feet. i am struggling to remember that he has never failed to send the sun or the Son. i am struggling to remember that this is worth it, that the analyzing and the researching and the technical words will give way to the creative, imaginative words i know and love when i am done. i am struggling with the thoughts of regret and self-loathing for picking this major and the overwhelming self-doubt as i struggle to make words, the one thing i want to do for the rest of my life. i struggle to remember that the words are not my own; they are His and they flow through His Breathe and get stuck in the empty spaces of my brain where i struggle to find them. i struggle. i struggle. i struggle. i struggle to not give up and end my search. i am remembering that He gave me the words in the first place, that he knows where they are. i am remembering that i was made for this. i am remembering who made me for this. i am remembering that He sent the Son and He will send the sun and he will send the words if i only ask. i am remembering to ask.